I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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