yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
