When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
