don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
