I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
