I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
