Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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