forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize