I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
