I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
