the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
