I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
