just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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