Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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