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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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