i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
