I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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