Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
