Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ruined the universe
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
