hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
