I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
