I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
