I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
