I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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