bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize