woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
