I hate all girls vehemently.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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