Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
