Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
