i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
