What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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