so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
