I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
