You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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