I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
