Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
