I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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