Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
