cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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