he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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