Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
