would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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