We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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