Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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