I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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