I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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