I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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