You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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