grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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