and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
