we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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