My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
