Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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