i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize