Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
