yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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