I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
