How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
