I have demons in me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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