This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize