i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
