FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
