i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize