I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
