I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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