I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
