I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
God, I missed his penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
