Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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