Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize