Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize