Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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