I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
