Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
try to milk me bitch
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