I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
