My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
