Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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