Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
