he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
