Jerry, you need to find god
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
