Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
