I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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