please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
