Tell her she can't have a vagina
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
