That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
